You might think addressing final arrangements over the holidays is grim, but what’s really grim is not making your wishes clear by planning in advance; when the time does come, your family not only has to deal with an emotional loss, they also have the added stress of trying to make difficult decisions about what you would have wanted. By preplanning and taking care of finances ahead of time, you can save them from additional stress and an unexpected and potentially expensive funeral bill.
Why the holidays? It’s the time most families gather: Having everyone involved present makes sure you – and all of them – are on the same page about your wishes and where to find the necessary documentation when needed. While it may seem difficult now, it will make everyone more comfortable later. Just think, once a loved one dies, there are about three days to consider, decide and plan a funeral.
“It’s a heck of a lot better to discuss thoughts about advance medical directives and funeral plans over the kitchen table or during a long walk than over an ailing patient in a hospital emergency room,” said Gail Rubin, aka The Doyenne of Death, a death educator and author.
Perhaps tell your family ahead of the holiday that when everyone is together, you would like to discuss final arrangements. While they may protest at first, advance notice may give them more time to become comfortable with the idea.
Here are some things you may want to talk about with your spouse, partner or children:
- Whether you want to be buried or cremated (or have a green funeral or even donate your body to science);
- If you want a traditional funeral or a memorial service;
- If you have a specific church or cemetery you want for the service, or a special place where you’d like a memorial service held;
- If you choose cremation, whether you want your ashes interred or scattered (and where);
- How you want to be remembered;
- Who you want the family to contact about funeral or other plans;
- Whether you want donations in lieu of flowers;
- If there’s specific music you’d like played or a poem you’d like read;
- Any advance plans you’ve made with a funeral home and whether you have prepaid. (Learn more about preplanning here);
- Where to find any paperwork, including final arrangement plans, will, estate information and more. For help, see, “Important documents to prepare before you die.”
Only 17 percent of people under age 65 pre-plan for their final arrangements, according to a 2015 survey by the National Funeral Directors Association. After age 75, the percentage climbs to 34 percent. Think of planning as a gift you give to your family and consider having the conversation sooner rather than later.
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If you would like help with the preplanning process, request a free planning consultation online or call us toll-free at 1-800-PHANEUF (or at 603-625-5777).
The death of a family member is a traumatic event and one most people don’t ever want to think about. But what if a family member dies suddenly: Would you know what to do? Having some idea of what to expect will aid you in making arrangements during a very stressful time. Here are a few things you should know:
When death occurs
If the death is unanticipated, call 911. The police will take appropriate steps depending upon the situation. In the case of a non-suspicious death of an apparently healthy individual, the police call the State Medical Examiner’s office and await instructions. If the death was suspicious in nature, then the Medical Examiner will most likely order an autopsy.
A family member should call the funeral home as soon a possible. Staff at the funeral home understand the stress you’re going through and will make sure to make the process as simple and smooth as possible. We will ask some specific questions, such as the name and location of the family member who passed away, the name of the attending physician and the name of the next of kin.
We will ask about the type of service you would like to honor your loved one and celebrate his or her life. However, if you don’t know what type of service you want, you don’t have to make that decision right away. We will set up a later appointment for you to sit down with a staff member and decide upon final arrangements. Think about your loved one and what they would want as well as how you can best honor them.
Transport of the deceased to the funeral home should be arranged after a physician has signed a pronouncement of death, which is required under New Hampshire law. If the State Medical Examiner is to perform an autopsy, transport will be arranged to take place at the completion of the exam, once the medical examiner legally releases the body.
From the nursing home
When a death occurs in a hospital or nursing home, you only have to call us. The medical staff at the health care facility will make sure that all legal requirements are met. While some health care facilities call the funeral home on behalf of the family, most don’t, so it’s best for you to call us directly.
If the deceased had a terminal illness and died at home while under hospice care, the hospice nurse or physician will release the deceased to the funeral home. In this case it’s helpful to think about final arrangements in advance. We can meet with the family prior to the death to begin the process of making arrangements. This cuts down on the number of decisions you will have to make at the time of death and help prevent events from becoming too overwhelming. You can call us or you can start the process by filling out our on-line form.
From out of state
If the death takes place outside of New Hampshire, call us toll free at 1-800-PHANEUF (1-800-742-6383), and we can make all the necessary arrangements without adding the expense of an outside funeral home. We also offer Worldwide Travel Protection that will guarantee the price of your final arrangements no matter where the death occurs.
There are three kinds of written memorials. You may decide on one, two or all three. The first is the death notice, which is a short piece with basic details about the deceased: Who, when and where. This is information for others, about where and when the funeral or memorial service will be held, if there is one. It’s a general notice of death that may be placed in a local paper to serve as a kind of historical record.
The second is the obituary. The obituary has the information from the death notice, but it goes a step further by summarizing the person’s life. When writing an obituary, it’s important to think about what made your loved one special. Think about organizations he or she belonged to, hobbies, work history and awards. Be sure to have accurate information about early life, family and the names and hometowns of family members.
Finally, there is the tribute, which is something you might find online in a remembrance or tribute section. This is the place to recount a funny anecdote or fond memory about the deceased. It’s something that will be read by other people, so write something appropriate and something that will be treasured by the whole family. Our online obituaries offer a place to offer these tributes and memories.
The deceased’s employer, bank, insurance company and attorney should be notified. Important documents should be gathered (for more information on this, see “Important documents to prepare before you die“). Digital assets – such as social media accounts – should be deactivated (see “What happens to your digital assets when you die?“). Any insurance claims should be filed and the will executed.
After the funeral
Send out thank-you notes to those who offered condolences or helped out in your time of need. Most importantly, remember that the funeral or memorial service isn’t really the end. Continue to celebrate your loved one and remember what made him or her special for many, many years to come.
Even though it’s inevitable for all of us, many of us don’t like talking about death. So talking about our wishes for funeral or cremation arrangements is an uncomfortable subject for not only us, but our families as well.
But, it’s important to have plans in place – especially if there are things you very much want for your funeral or cremation, burial or disposal of your cremains. The only way you can be comfortable that your wishes are carried out is through preplanning.
Preplanning doesn’t necessarily mean prepaying. If you simply want to have your final arrangements known in advance – down to the type of ceremony and casket – you can do that without paying a dime. Putting your wishes in writing is the best way to make sure there is no confusion about your intentions at the time of your death.
As always, make your loved ones aware that you have put your wishes in writing and let them know where they can find that information. A good place to put it is with all of the other important documents you should prepare before you die.
If you do decide to prepay for your funeral or cremation expenses, there are a few ways you can do it.
Preneed Funeral Insurance
Preneed funeral insurance is usually tied to a specific funeral home, crematorium or funeral service provider. Preneed funeral insurance is a type of whole life insurance, that is, a policy that remains in force throughout the insured’s life. It accumulates cash value and has a built-in growth rate. Our preneed funeral insurance locks in your future costs at today’s prices – but be aware that not all funeral home policies do.
The first step is to choose a provider. If you don’t have a specific funeral home in mind, meet with several and compare plans before making your decision on funeral insurance. All funeral homes in our area offer some sort of preplanning program and all are priced competitively.
Once you decide on the funeral home and sign a preneed contract, a preneed funeral insurance policy will be issued for the same amount as your preneed contract. We place funds in an Irrevocable Mortuary Trust account, in accordance with state law. This trust is insured and the funds gain interest, which we maintain in the account to offset future price increases.
Final expense insurance
Final expense insurance isn’t tied to a specific funeral home. You can choose – and change – your funeral home at any time. These policies also cover other final costs aside from funeral costs. The advantage of final expense insurance is that this type of policy often has lower premium payments than preneed funeral insurance policies. The down side is that these policies accumulate little or no cash value.
Final expense insurance can either be whole life insurance or it can be term (temporary) life insurance that provides coverage only for a specific period of time and only pays out if you die within that specific period.
You can set up your own burial trust fund, known as a “Payable on Death” trust. It’s done at a financial institution – bank or credit union – and is simply a bank account. It earns interest and is very flexible: You can close the account, change banks or change the beneficiary at any time. Upon your death, it is paid out to the beneficiary, you named, who then uses the money to pay for your funeral expenses.
However you decide to do it, preplanning ensures that all of your final wishes will be fulfilled. When you prepay it provides you and your family additional peace of mind in knowing that expenses will be covered. It’s the best gift you can leave your loved ones.
This is an overview of the alternatives available. Be sure to talk to your funeral home, lawyer and/or tax advisor before entering into a contract.
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Phaneuf Funeral Homes and Crematorium offers preplanning and payment options to fit your needs. To get more information, click here.
Last week I talked about some of the important documents you should gather and store in a safe place so family members can easily find them when you die. Among them are any passwords for online accounts you may have. Today, let’s talk about what happens to your online accounts— specifically social networks — when you die.
It’s important to know that leaving passwords behind so loved ones can access your account may not be enough. As the Associated Press reported last year, “most company’s ‘terms of service’ agreements prohibit anyone from accessing an account that isn’t theirs.” And it may take some wrangling to cancel a loved one’s account when they die. Facebook, for instance, says that “Verified immediate family members may request the removal of a loved one’s account from Facebook,” while Twitter says “we can work with a person authorized to act on the behalf of the estate or with a verified immediate family member of the deceased to have an account deactivated.” In order to do that, the survivor must provide your death certificate, their drivers license and a signed statement.
Facebook also allows you to specify whether you want your account deleted after death or if you want a “memorialized account,” where friends and family can share memories after you die. While you can name a legacy contact who can write a pinned post, respond to condolences and post photos, that person can’t log into your account and make changes.
Because social media is relatively new, this area of law is also relatively new and many states haven’t addressed the issue yet. The Uniform Law Commission has proposed an act, Fiduciary Access to Digital Assets, that can be enacted at the state level. The act ensures account-holders retain control of their “digital property” and can plan for what happens to those accounts after their death. “Unless the account-holder instructs otherwise, legally appointed fiduciaries will have the same access to digital assets as they have always had to tangible assets, and the same duty to comply with the account-holder’s instructions.” It has been enacted in Delaware and introduced in 17 other states. New Hampshire is not one of them.
Of course, not everyone wants their loved ones to access their social media accounts after they die. Consider whether you want others to be able to see all of your emails, private messages or your online dating profile. In that case, forego leaving the passwords and stipulate in your will that no one should have access to your online accounts, except perhaps your lawyer or someone to whom you grant power of attorney.
WebpageFX has created an infographic that provides a great visual overview of this topic that will help you understand each social media site’s policies and requirements to deactivate your accounts. To see it, click here.
Information about deactivating accounts:
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Phaneuf Funeral Homes and Crematorium opened in 1906 and is one of the oldest continually-owned family funeral homes in New Hampshire. We are the largest provider of funeral services in the state, and we operate three full-service funeral homes, two crematories, two non-denominational chapels and a cremation society. For more information, go to http://www.phaneuf.net/.
Nobody wants to think about death and dying, but the fact is, death is an inevitable part of life: A gift you can give your family when you pass is to have your affairs in order so that in addition to losing a loved one, they won’t have the worry of being unable to find the necessary documents needed to carry out your final wishes.
The first step is to put all end-of-life documentation and directives in one secure place and to let your loved ones know where that documentation will be. At your death or if you are unable to make your own decisions, this will greatly help to uncomplicate an already difficult and emotional process for them.
There a number of documents you will need to get in order, but let’s start with the basics. Ask yourself these questions to determine which documents you will need to have:
What do I have and who will I leave it to?
You will need a basic will and an inventory of your assets. This way you can designate who gets your possessions (or else the state may decide) and who will have custody of any minor dependents (or else the courts may decide). A will also indicates who should be the executor of your estate.
Do I have insurance or other benefits?
Have any forms on file that summarize your benefits (such as life insurance or retirement funds) and who the beneficiaries will be.
Do I have financial assets that need to be managed?
Have a financial power of attorney document drawn up to give control of your finances to the person you wish to carry out any monetary transactions.
Who do I want to make health care decisions for me if I am unable to do it myself?
A health care proxy and a medical directive will give someone you choose the power to make medical decisions for you and to carry out any end-of-life wishes if you are unable to do that.
Who do I need to be notified if I die?
Providing your loved one with contacts – personal and professional – will help them inform people of your passing and allow them to connect with utilities and service companies – such as oil delivery – and close your accounts. Also leave information about any credit card accounts – and passwords – so your executor can cancel those accounts. And don’t forget about social media accounts. Facebook, for instance, requires a “verified immediate family member” to request account removal.
Do I want to be buried? Cremated
Your funeral wishes should be spelled out. Considerations such as whether you want a funeral and burial, cremation, or other wishes should be readily available to family members so that your wishes are carried out.
There are many other records that you will want to gather and keep in a secure place – and of course, inform relatives or executors where they are stored. These are the basics. To get an idea of the other documents you will want to have on hand, see the Wall Street Journal article. “The 25 Documents You Need Before You Die,” and check with your lawyer or financial professional for further guidance.
If anyone is interested in obtaining free legal advice or learning more about estates, wills, trusts, medicade, advanced directives and other related legal issues, we are hosting a seminar at our 243 Hanover Street location on Tuesday October 20th at 2:00 PM. Attorney Frank Mesmer will be discussing the legal ins and outs of estate planning and will be available to answer your questions. Following that, I will be speaking on funeral planning, options and funding. The seminar is limited to 50 people and while it is free, preregistration is required. To register, call our main office at 603-625-5777 or send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. Just provide your name and the number of people attending.
This is our 10th annual estate and funeral planning seminar and each has been a great success. After the seminar, which generally lasts around 90 minutes, Attorney Mesmer and I will be available to discuss any specific issues you may have or answer questions one on one. Come join us for an interesting afternoon.